Ursus: I used to have a reputation as a major-league alcoholic, and for awhile I couldn't walk into camps without some negative reactions. Fortunately, I rarely drink any more, mainly because I didn't want to Lucillus another excuse to make fun of me.

Lucillus: This time the victim of my poet's barbs is my friend Ursus. Just to be fair, of course.

DRUNKEN RAMBLE
By Lucillus
(Sung to the tune of "The Idiot")

I often take these nightime walks
A bottle at my side
From camp to camp I slowly tramp
My fancy as my guide.
And at every place that I show my face
They all let out a groan:
"Hey Ursus, man, can we help you find
The way back to your home?"
With steady voice I answer: "Nay,
What do you take me for?
I know my way, so why'd you say
Don't come around here no more?
Who needs this grief that you give to me?
I deserve a better fate,
So I'm leaving now, and then you'll see
You'll be sorry soon, just you wait."

So you thought you'd seen the last of me
As I stumble from your sight
Thank God you say, let's hope he stays
Away from us all night.
But there's more to drink, and so I think
I'll visit you again,
After all, you know, I just have to show
That you're still all my friends.
So don't forget that I lurk out there
Beyond the fire light
I could be back so you'd best beware
It may be a long night.
But you may be luckier than you know
When you hear a heavy snore
Then you'll surely know that I'm laid low
And I'll trouble you no more.

Well, I wrote this song so I could show
That I try to make fun
Of all the folks that I do know
You're not the only one.
So don't you whine when you hear that I'm
Determined to choose you
Just try to laugh on your own behalf
The way we all should do.
When I'm at my worst, convinced I'm cursed
In all that I can do
I try to smile, for in awhile
I know that I'll pull through.
But perhaps you take a different way
When you feel yourself in pain
Just remember this: it's the laughs you miss
That might drive you insane.

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